i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
