You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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