I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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