good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
