proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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