I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
