who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
