so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
