No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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