Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So squirting runs in the family.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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