Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
