I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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