you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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