Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
