We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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