You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
