Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
