Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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