His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
