I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
