i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
