is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
