The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He shit in the fireplace
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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