READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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