remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
