Plan B is the new Plan A
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
