ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
