just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
