im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize