Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
