my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
