The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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