End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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