Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
