this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
