he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
