drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I should be sponsored by Trojan
do herpes really smell.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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