she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
