Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
