Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
