dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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