well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
