I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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