that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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