how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we should paint friendship bongs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
