It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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