Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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