I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
