Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
