I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
