Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
