I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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