How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
