Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
two words...techno handjob
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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