If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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