Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
