They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
