i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
