"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
