Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
