Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize