So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
