but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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