So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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