I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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