Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
