Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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