I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
