Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
