??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
