I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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