Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
