Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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