I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
