It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
