I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
