haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Im part way to drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
