This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize